Things Change

     Sitting at the end of a long dinner table, eating tomato soup and watching the rain.

Why do I always want to write when I'm sitting at a table and looking out a window?

     But this table is different, the window is too. My life is different. And I am too.

I wonder if I will feel this way forever, if circumstance will change. Will my mind succeed all this?

     A hope comes still and quiet. And I'm dreaming of a different kind of table and a happier window.

And maybe some comfy socks along with some tea.

Where did the year go?

I can't believe it's already August. I've heard time goes faster when you're an adult. I believe that 100%

Coffee and my day planner are saving my life right now. If I could make it so that there an extra four hours in the day, I would do it in a heartbeat.

I love being busy, but I also love hours of stillness, no responsibilities with a good cup of tea. I know I will miss my schedule once it slows, but as of right now I can't wait to sit by my window, book in hand, watching the snow fall while wearing my comfy sweaters and socks.

A conflicted heart is not always a sad one. The present seems overwhelming but I know I will miss this feeling once it passes.

Sunshine

All I could think about today was how welcome the sun felt on my shoulders.

 I breathed in really deep and dramatically to savor it because, with Utah weather you never know when a snow storm could blow in.

I bought a kitchen table. I am a grown up. I love the grey design and the white dipped chair legs. I love the way I feel when I eat or read on it versus, eating or reading in my bed because that's all the furniture we've had in the past five months.

It seems like all I want to do lately is to sit at that table with the blinds open, book cracked, and snuggly in my favorite pair of woven socks.

Just reading and thinking and growing.

Today

I am happy. I've got a great job with beautiful people who make me laugh and smile everyday. I am thankful for that.

I am happy with myself. I consider myself someone who has bouts of insecurity but I am not an insecure person. I am at peace with myself and who I am.

I am happy with my peanut butter and honey sandwich and clementine for lunch.



I am happy. 

Favorite Song

I know this an old song, but it's made a new meaning for me. I am so thankful for music and the things I learn from it. This particular song has made 2013 for me. God bless these lyrics.



Regrets collect like old friends Here to relive your darkest moments I can see no way, I can see no way. And all of the ghouls come out to play. And every demon wants his pound of flesh But I like to keep some things to myself I like to keep my issues drawn It's always darkest before the dawn
 
And I've been a fool and I've been blind I can never leave the past behind I can see no way, I can see no way I'm always dragging that horse around And our love is pastured such a mournful sound Tonight I'm gonna bury that horse in the ground So I like to keep my issues drawn But it's always darkest before the dawn
 
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa! And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back So shake him off, oh woah!
 
I am done with my graceless heart So tonight I'm gonna cut it out and then restart Cause I like to keep my issues drawn It's always darkest before the dawn  

Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa! Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa! And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back So shake him off, oh whoa! And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back so shake him off
 
And given half the chance would I take any of it back It's a fine romance but its left me so undone It's always darkest before the dawn

And I'm damned if I do and I'm damned if I don't So here's to drinks in the dark at the end of my road And I'm ready to suffer and I'm ready to hope It's a shot in the dark and right at my throat Cause looking for heaven, found the devil in me Looking for heaven, found the devil in me Well what the hell I'm gonna let it happen to me

 
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa! Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa! And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back So shake him off, oh whoa!

Thank You Parties

I went to the, "Thank You Party" at Hale Center Theater Orem last night.
It was a chance to say thank you to all the actors and employees for the last year. I had the opportunity to be both an actor and an employee and I have been so thankful for this past years experiences.
I love my jobs and I love performing. I learned a lot about myself in 2012 and the Hale was a big contributor in many ways.

It was so nice to see all our friends and to laugh and love each other.

God, I'm lucky.

The Dream Notepad

I thought it would be fun to write things down on my I Phone's notepad as I woke up through the night. Not necessarily for creativity's sake, but just to see what would happen. I've never done it before and I wondered if I would even have the coherency to write anything. 

I woke up and checked my phone and found this funny little dream about my dear friend Kelly, and one of my worst fears..Whales.

This is what I have got written down.

"We were learning at a Zoo college and we had to work with whales. Kelly was supposed to be my partner but she went shopping instead. She showed up last minute in new clothes but it was all mickey mouse stuff. Weird. Then we went to cross the bridge to the whale place and the whale came from down below and was trying to get me. Kelly threw her mickey jacket at me but it didn't help. Then her and my mom went to the other side of the place and made whale sounds and it made the whale go away. Kelly got an A because she helped me and I got an F for being afraid."

 Pretty weird huh? I remember having the dream but I didn't remember any details about it. I don't think anything this detailed will ever happen again for me but I guess we will see!