today, this is me.

My thoughts. 

1. I love being a woman. I love womanhood. I used to be quite afraid to embrace femininity because growing up, I was not very pretty or dainty. I came out of my awkward stage when I was seventeen years old. It was a long time coming. I thought that there was no way I could embrace being a strong woman and feeling beautiful at the same time. I thought they were different. And now I see things differently. I am different. 
2. I am grateful that in the past three years, I have chosen to do nothing but follow my heart. No matter the sacrifice, no matter the hardship. And my life is very different from where I saw it going. And I am so glad.
3. My view on marriage and relationships has had a complete turn around. I never wanted marriage. I never wanted another serious relationship. I was very cynical about it all. When I was living in Los Angeles, I knew something was missing but I never thought it would be what it ended up to be. I came home. Picked up a friendship where it left off two years prior who had a similar past with relationships, and was terrified because within a very short amount of time, I was feeling all the feelings I had heard about. Things I thought weren't real. I had a lot of opposition and speculation from others as to what I was going to do. I thought for a long time about what I wanted. I knew myself, and I knew I would not do something just because, "I had a feeling it was right" I made a choice. And I made a change and it was the best thing I have ever done for myself.
4. I would love a family one day. However, I am far too selfish, and have so much to learn before I'm ready. I am so afraid that it, "wont be the right time" or I won't be prepared. Truth is, there is never really going to be a "right time" for me. And I think that God is going to make me pregnant when He thinks it's the right time. Because I really don't think I'll ever be "ready" to be honest. I certainly think there will probably be more ideal times than others. Not to say that I'm not using birth control. Just that I would love to have some quality time where my husband and I can be "lovers" and not "lovers who are parents" just yet.
5. Traveling means so much to me. My dream adventure would be to Ireland. I can't wait to go one day. 
6. My number one biggest pet peeve is when people are not courteous of others in the morning when they are sleeping. I've had it my whole life. It drives me crazy when people burst through doors, slam drawers in the bathroom, shut cupboards loudly, clank their makeup around, or clink their spoons and their cereal bowls together. It makes me crazy. I have always been a heavy sleeper but in the morning once one of those sounds rings in my sleepy little eardrum, there is no way I will fall back asleep. Just think of others in the morning people!
7. I am really looking forward to purchasing some blue nail polish.
8. I love reading so much. Everything. Biographies, History books, Love stories, Religion. I've never been a big fan of the kindles, or nook book things. I love having a physical book in my bag to turn the pages on. I love the smell of books and bookstores. I have always wanted to work in a book store. Especially one that has a ladder on the shelves and I can slide across like Belle in Beauty and the Beast. I hope my children one day will love reading and daydreaming as much as I did and still do.
9. I think my family, including my husband are the funniest people I have ever met.
10. When I think of my life, it pops up like a slide show to music. Or like a giant art piece that is a collage of everything that has ever meant anything to me. Like pictures and magazine clippings but they move, like the pictures in Harry Potter. I think that in heaven, I will have a wall that I can hang the art piece on and remember the most incredible journey I had on earth. Weird? Probably.