Express.

    There are two ways I wish I could express myself artistically that I don't feel I have ever adequately been able to before. I think I have little glimmers of what my potential could be, in these areas but I never seem to be able to follow through, even though I wish wish wish I could

    The first is writing... I don't get it! I know I've said this before in previous posts but, I would love to express a fully developed thought or a memory and have my readers feel as if they've been there. That was one of the reasons I wanted to create a blog. I had read a few of my friends and I thought it was such a beautiful way to preserve memories and thoughts. I read their blogs and I am so immersed in their writing that it's almost like reading a great novel. Even if it's something as simple as pet peeves they have or why they love reading.

    Some people's expressions in writing can be very touching. And I wish I could feel that release..... That I've fully expressed a singular thought in my heart in a very thorough and complete way. I think it's the best way to remember moments, or how something felt because it's coming from your very own, unique recollection of whatever happened. I so wish that I had that, especially for the big moments in your life, when you change and grow and feel.

    The second is dancing. I used to be terrified to dance. I would shake and feel like throwing up when dance auditions came around. My body would stiffen like a board and my heart would pound a million times a second at the thought of a choreographer watching me dance to see if I was up to par with whatever show they were casting. Then I would go home and do the dance exactly how it was supposed to be.....and then proceed to cry because I made an idiot out of myself when I could really do it all along.

    It wasn't until my senior year in high school that I really felt comfortable dancing in front of other people. And the more classes I took, the better I felt. Combinations excited me and I focused all my nervous energy into my little 6 counts of 8. Hip Hop was really the only thing I ever excelled at. I still have a hard time turning and have only recently been able to turn a double without falling on my face.

   I'm proud of that! But I still have never been able to walk into a dance studio and leave my heart on the floor. I can't imagine what that would be like to use your body so eloquently and fierce that by the end of the song, your emotions have all come into perspective and you feel fulfilled.

    I long for that. I watch So you Think You can Dance and cry because it's so beautiful watching someone be that vulnerable.

 It's amazing to me.

    All this isn't to say that I can't express myself in other ways. I am so grateful for singing and for the endless therapy it gives me. I can't say that there is one show I've done where I haven't been able to release some sort of pent up emotion. I've been very lucky to have roles in the past where I can sing out and have the liberty to musically be able to do whatever I want as long as it doesn't take away from the original purpose of the song. Singing is a big part of me and has gotten me through many adventures in my life.

    I think artistic expression is the most beautiful kind of expression. It allows others to see what's inside you. It helps them see how you view the world and your compilations of how to live life to it's fullest.

    I wish I could use all these different ports of creativity to express the hell out of myself.....That's all.